


Someone Is Always There For You

by marilynsullivan



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Cutting, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Mentions of Suicide, Mentions of other nations hurting themselves, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, TRIGGER WARNING: CUTTING AND MENTIONS OF SUICIDE
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-22
Updated: 2015-08-22
Packaged: 2018-04-16 14:13:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,359
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4628268
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/marilynsullivan/pseuds/marilynsullivan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Most, if not all, the nations have felt suicidal at some point. They  have all been through a lot, obviously. A suicide hotline was made for the nations, and Roderich tries to call them, but accidentally calls Gilbert. Honestly, he just needs someone to be there for him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Someone Is Always There For You

**Author's Note:**

> NOTE: THIS WILL CONTAIN MENTIONS SUICIDE AND WILL HAVE SELF HARM. 
> 
> SUICIDE IS SERIOUS. IF YOU EVER NEED TO CALL SOMEONE, GO TO http://www.suicide.org/international-suicide-hotlines.html FOR THE INTERNATIONAL SUICIDE HOTLINES. 
> 
> IF YOU'RE IN THE U.S., CALL  
> Need Help Now?  
> Call 911  
> or  
> 1-800-SUICIDE  
> (1-800-784-2433)  
> or  
> 1-800-273-TALK  
> (1-800-273-8255)  
> or  
> Text Telephone:  
> 1-800-799-4TTY  
> (1-800-799-4889)
> 
> Military Veterans  
> Suicide Hotline:  
> 1-800-273-TALK  
> (Press 1)
> 
> Suicide Hotline  
> in Spanish:  
> 1-800-273-TALK  
> (Press 2)  
> LGBT Youth  
> Suicide Hotline:  
> 1-866-4-U-TREVOR
> 
>  
> 
> IF YOU EVER NEED TO TALK, DON'T EVER BE AFRAID TO TALK TO ME.

Where’s the number? Where’s the number?

After last time, Roderich was sure he had saved it. His hands grasped his phone tightly, his thumb scrolling up and down quickly. He needed to talk to someone. Now. His face was scrunched up, eyes red from crying. 

As a nation, he had been through a lot. Many nations just like him hurt themselves, even tried to kill themselves, after all that they had seen and experienced. They always revived a few days later, but their health was the health of the nation. He needed to talk to them. A suicide hotline had been created for nations, and he swore that he had the number saved. Through his tears, he saw something that must have looked like the number, and pressed it, holding the phone close to his face. It rung twice, making Roderich panic- wasn’t it supposed to be a hotline?! But then someone picked up. Before they could say anything, Roderich uncharacteristically started rambling.

“Look, I need your help right now I don’t know I just keep on remembering and remembering and I want to do it again and I know it’s bad but none of the nations would really miss me right? I just can’t die so I don’t hurt my country but I really want to and- and I’m bleeding I think and I just need someone right now I don’t want to talk to anyone because I don’t know I just can’t please just what do I do I just want to die you don’t know what I’ve gone through okay you’ll never see the things I’ve seen I just- just please please please please I don’t know just-“ his sobs made it impossible to understand what he was saying at that point.

“Roddy? Roddy! I need you to listen right now, okay? Calm down, calm down! We’ve all been there, it’s okay! I’m here with you, just calm down!”

The voice made Roderich freeze for a second. He took a deep breath before speaking softly. “… Gilbert?”

“I’m here, Princess. Just relax for me, ‘kay? Just- what were you thinking about?”

Roderich closed his eyes tightly, his body shaking. “Gilbert. I’m sorry to bother you, I just-“

“We’ve all been there, Princess. Every one of us. We’ve all been through so much, its only natural.”

“The great wars… they-they were all my fault.” Roderich stated, crying silently. “All those people d-dead because of me. H-hungary left, you had to go away, all because of m-me!”

In the other end of the line, Gilbert could feel his heart ache. When the aristocrat first called him he wasn’t sure how to respond, and was extremely worried. In fact, he was now getting inside his car to see the other nation. “How were they your fault?”

“I-I asked you and your brother to get involved because I knew I’d never be able to go against them if I declared war, I should have just dealt with it mys-“

“And it was our choice to help you.” Prussia stated simply, keeping one hand on the phone and the other one on the steering wheel. “It was our choice to get involved and to cause more trouble. As for the second one, it was my brother who took you. Yes, Hitler was Austrian, but he can make his own decisions. So could the Germans. Got it?”

Gilbert was a bit worried when he was met with silence, but then he heard a bit of sniffling from the other side. 

“I remember the old days,” Roderich whispered. “I had people. But at some point they all left, didn’t they? Antonio, Francis, Elizabeta, Vash, Feliciano, Lovino, Ludwig, everyone. I drove them away, Gilbert. That’s why you hate me.”

“I don’t, and never will, hate you, Roderich. Most of those were all politics, okay? Liz is still there for you. Remember when you taught Feli how to play the piano? He isn’t good, but he still remembers a bit. Vash pretends to hate you, Roddy, but you and I both know you mean a lot to him. Lud still worries about you. We’re here for you.”

All that could be heard was crying from the other line. Gilbert hadn’t ever seen- or heard- Roderich act like this. He always kept his true emotions hidden, away from the rest of the world. 

But they all did, didn’t they?

“Sometimes I cry too, Rod. I know, it seems far-fetched… The Awesome Prussia? Crying?” Gilbert tried to get a little humor in there, but it didn’t seem to have an effect. “As you know, I’m not a nation any more. Sometimes… sometimes I feel useless. Why am I still here? Why am I still immortal, if the ‘Awesome Prussia’ truly might be gone?”

“Prussia isn’t gone,” Roderich spoke, still sniffling. “You’re still here.”

Gilbert smiled a bit. “I guess I am. And when I get like that, I also feel alone.”

“Th-that’s crazy! You have Antonio, Francis, Ludwig, Elizabeta, Italy, me, even-“

“And you have us, too.”

Gilbert finally pulled into the driveway of his brother’s house, where Austria still resided. Ludwig didn’t kick him out- he knew the Austrian had felt lonely after the World Wars, and not Roderich almost completely depended on the man. Gilbert stayed there, too, but he had been at Antonio’s for the weekend. He took his keys out and opened the door as quietly as possible. 

“Roderich,” he began. “Where are you?”

Roderich, who seemed to have calmed down a bit, let out a shaky breath. “You and your brother’s house,” this seemed to send him down under again. “I swore I’d move out, I’m such a bother I’m sorry-“

Gilbert heard the voice coming from upstairs, in the nearest bathroom to the Austrian’s room. The door, surprisingly, was unlocked. The sight in front of him was heartbreaking. The nation that always had the best posture, the classiest look, and the most stoic face was bent over, crying, in the far corner of the bathroom. In one hand he held a phone close to his face, and the other lay limply next to him. That arm had two long cuts running across, the blood dropping on the floor. Gilbert put his phone down and swiftly crouched in front of Roderich. “Roderich, oh my god!”

Roderich’s only movement was putting the phone down next to him and covering his face with his hand.

“You’re bleeding! I-I need to call West- or maybe Liz- or-“

“No, nonononono please just no! I don’t want anyone else to know-“

“Roderich, you’re hurt, and you need help!”

“I have you here.”

Gilbert was going to call Elizabeta, but right now he needed to help Roderich himself. It wasn’t like he’d never treated a wound before. He took a towel and wet it a little, placing it over Roderich’s arm gently. “Roderich, how many times have you done this?”

“In modern times?”

“Yes.”

“Twice. Well, three times, if you count today.”

“But you’ve never actually-“

“Not in modern times.”

Gilbert’s frown deepened. He knew most, if not all nations went through this at some point in their lives. Take Finland, who had been through so, so, so much. Gilbert had gone through it, too. England. But to have Austria go through this made his heart hurt. 

“How about you?” Roderich broke the silence.

Gilbert sighed. “Past, not so many. Post-World War Two? I don’t know. Five?” 

“Have you ever actually gone all the way? You know, took your own life? Or tried to?”

“No. Someone was always there to stop me.”

“Are you here to stop me?”

Gilbert looked at Roderich, catching his gaze. “As long as I’m here, I won’t let you hurt yourself. Got it?”

Roderich looked down at the blood on his arm. “Thank you.” It was so quiet, Gilbert almost didn’t hear it. 

“Call me anytime, Princess.”

Roderich kept on crying, his back shaking with every sob that racked his body. With his good arm, he embraced Gilbert, who held him tightly.

He didn’t know what he would feel tomorrow. Would he be embarrassed or thankful? Both?

In all honesty, he didn’t really care.

**Author's Note:**

> Please go to suicide.org if you ever need tips in how to help your friends or yourself.


End file.
